Your child arrangements aren't working
You should try and speak to your ex-partner if the child arrangements you’ve agreed aren’t working - for example, if you’re not seeing your children as much as you want.
You might be able to make changes, using mediation if you need to, and avoid spending money on going to court. Court can be stressful for everyone, especially children.
If your children are over 16, you should try and work out arrangements yourselves. A court won’t usually make decisions about a child who's 16 or older.
If you still can’t agree and your children are under 16, you can go to court to sort out arrangements that you’ll both have to stick to.
If your partner makes you feel anxious or threatened, you should get help.
Men's Advice Line is a charity that helps men suffering domestic abuse. You can call their helpline on 0808 801 0327 between 9am to 5pm, Monday to Friday.
If you’re unsure about what to do next, contact your nearest Citizens Advice.
Change your original agreement
Before you get anyone else involved, it’s worth talking about what’s not working.
Look back at what you originally agreed. Try to make some changes to the things that aren't working.
For example, you could:
- change when and where you see your children
- get someone you trust involved, such as a grandparent or a friend you both know, to help arrange when and where you see your children
The Ministry of Justice has a guide to sorting out child arrangements that might help if you and your ex-partner are struggling to make your agreement work.
If you can’t speak to your ex-partner
If you’re really struggling to speak to your ex-partner and resolve what’s not working, it’s a good idea to start keeping a diary.
Write down any time your ex-partner hasn’t stuck to the agreements - for example, if they keep bringing your children home later than promised without a good reason.
This will be useful if you do need to go to court, because it will show why the arrangement hasn't worked.
Relate has advice on negotiating with your ex-partner if they won't let you see the children.
Go to mediation
You should try mediation before going to court - it can be cheaper and usually quicker. You can check if you’re eligible for legal aid on GOV.UK.
You’ll speak to a ‘mediator’, who will try and help you agree on how to work out your arrangements between yourselves.
You don’t have to go to mediation, but you should at least start it if you think you might go to court later. If you go to court you’ll need to prove you went to an introductory meeting called a ‘mediation information and assessment meeting’ (MIAM). At the introductory meeting you’ll find out what mediation is and how it can help you.
There are exceptions when you don’t have to go to mediation first - for example, if you’ve suffered domestic abuse.
If you decide to go to court
You’ll usually need to have done everything you can to make your arrangements work.
You’ll have to tell the court what your original agreements were and why they didn’t work. You’ll also need to tell them what new arrangements you think will work.
You can go straight to court if you've experienced domestic violence. You can usually get help to pay for a solicitor - check on GOV.UK.
If you're on a low income, you might get help with court fees.
You can ask the court for a ‘child arrangements order’, which can say:
- who your children live with and where
- when and how your children will see both parents
- who else your children will see, for example family friends and relatives
The court's decision will be based on what they think is best for the child. This is different for every family but the court will usually try to make sure that children see both parents - unless there's a risk of violence or abuse.
It’s best to get legal help if you go to court. Contact your nearest Citizens Advice for help finding a solicitor.
You can apply to the court for the arrangements order by following the steps on GOV.UK.
You’ll have to appear in court. You can ask to appear in a different room in court from your ex-partner.
You can ask to appear in a different room in court from your ex-partner if you’ve experienced domestic abuse or have another reason to be apart.
Before the hearing, someone will contact you and your ex-partner from an organisation called the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass). Cafcass work with families and the court to help decide what should happen in cases that involve children. The person from Cafcass will also speak to your children before the hearing. You can find out more about what Cafcass do on their website.
The court will decide your new arrangements - you’ll have to stick to them, even if you don’t agree with them.