Dividing up money and belongings when you separate
The two biggest financial decisions you’re likely to make when you separate are what to do with your home and how to divide up any pensions - if you have them.
Try to give yourselves time before making a decision. It’s a lot easier to reach an agreement if you and your ex-partner are ready to talk.
You don’t have to get a judge to decide for you. You can make an agreement between yourselves, but it’s normally a good idea to talk to a solicitor once you’ve decided what you want to do.
It’s important that you’re honest about your finances. If you’re not honest and your ex-partner later finds out you tried to hide something, they could go to court and ask for more money from you.
If your ex-partner normally handles the money
If you can, go through your finances together. If this isn’t possible or you’re nervous about sorting out money with your ex-partner, ask your ex-partner if they’ll go to mediation with you.
Mediation’s a cost-effective way of trying to solve differences over money and property. You’ll both have to fill in a financial disclosure form when you go to mediation. This shows how much money you’ve got going out and coming in and it's a good starting point for discussions.
Find out more about mediation.
If your partner makes you feel anxious or threatened, you should get help.
Men's Advice Line is a charity that helps men suffering domestic abuse. You can call their helpline on 0808 801 0327 between 9am to 5pm, Monday to Friday.
If you’re unsure about what to do next, contact your nearest Citizens Advice.
Working out what to do with your home
What you do with your home depends on what you can both afford to do once you’re living separately, how much value (‘equity’) there is in the home and whether you have any children.
Your ex-partner might be able to continue paying the mortgage on your home, or at least pay something towards the repayments, after they move out.
However you’ll need to come to a more permanent agreement if they eventually want a clean break - perhaps so they can rent or buy a home of their own.
Check what help you can get with money
You might be able to get help with your living costs when you separate from a partner. This could make the difference between being able to stay in the home and having to move out.
You might also be able to get financial support (also known as ‘spousal maintenance’) if you were married or in a civil partnership.
If you want to stay in the home and buy your ex-partner out
You might be able to buy your ex-partner out so that you own the home by yourself. However, even if you can reach an agreement between yourselves about this, the mortgage company will want to know you can afford the mortgage payments on your own.
This can be very difficult if you don’t work, or you only work part-time because you look after the children.
If you can’t afford the mortgage payments, ask your mortgage company if they’ll let you switch the mortgage to interest-only. This should reduce your monthly payments.
You could also try getting a guarantor mortgage - this is where a friend or relative guarantees they’ll pay your mortgage if you’re unable to pay. Speak to a mortgage or financial adviser if your mortgage company doesn’t give you this option. They might be able to recommend other things you can try.
If there’s no way you can buy your ex-partner out, you could try coming to another arrangement. They might let you keep their share of the house in return for not paying an child maintenance, for example.
This could be difficult to arrange so you should get advice from a solicitor first.
If you want to sell your home
Talk this through with your ex-partner. It might make more sense for one of you to stay in the home if there isn’t much value in it. Value is how much money is left from a sale after you’ve paid off your mortgage.
If your home sells for £250,000 and you have a mortgage of £200,000 on it, the value is £50,000. You'll probably have to pay other fees out of that £50,000, such as to solicitors and estate agents, so you could end up with less.
Talk to an estate agent if you want to get an idea of how much your home is worth. It’s a good idea to get 3 different valuations so you’ve got a range of sale prices to choose from.
Once you know the value, try to reach an agreement with your ex-partner about what you’re going to do. Then talk to a solicitor.
Working out how to divide up the value between you is complicated and depends on a number of factors including:
how much you both earn
If you have any other money or property
your needs and responsibilities, for example if you have children
how long you’ve been married or in a civil partnership
how much you’ve each contributed to the relationship - financially and emotionally
A solicitor will be able to tell you if it’s worth selling your home.
Dividing up your pension
If you’re married or in a civil partnership, you’re normally entitled to a share of your ex-partner’s pension when you divorce or end your civil partnership.
You should try to reach an agreement between yourselves about what you want to do with a pension, but it’s best to speak to a financial adviser.
A solicitor might also be able to help you, but they’ll often recommend you speak to a financial adviser first.
How you divide a pension can depend on how much the pension is worth. The most common way to share a pension is to move some of your ex-partner’s pension into a scheme of your own. This is known as ‘pension sharing’.
Pension sharing can only be done when a judge grants a ‘pension sharing order’ during your divorce or civil partnership dissolution.
Read more about what happens to pensions when you separate on GOV.UK’s Pensionwise website.
If you’re worried about the cost of a solicitor
Try to agree as much as you can with your ex-partner before you go to a solicitor. This will help you keep the cost of legal fees down.
Some solicitors might offer 30 minutes of free legal advice. Use this time to find out as much as you can. You’re unlikely to get detailed advice, but you should get an idea of how complicated your case is and roughly how much it’ll cost you.
You could ask your solicitor if they’ll do the work for a fixed fee so you know from the beginning how much your legal fees will be. They don’t have to agree to this.
Dividing up other finances
To divide up everything else, make a list of the things you and your ex-partner own, including:
personal belongings, for example furniture or jewellery
money in bank accounts (joint accounts as well as your own)
savings and investments
You don’t have to list all your belongings. It might be quicker just to include things over a certain value, or things you really want to keep.
You’ll also need to include any debts you have with your ex-partner, like a bank overdraft or hire purchase agreement.
If your debts are shared, you’ll both be responsible for the whole amount - not just your half. This means if your ex-partner stops paying the debt off after you separate, you’ll have to settle the debt by yourself.
Even if you and your ex-partner are talking to each other, it’s a good idea to make sure you have a plan for paying off your shared debts. If you’re worried your ex-partner can’t or won’t pay, you should talk to a solicitor.
If you have joint accounts with your ex-partner
You can continue to use a joint bank account with your ex-partner after you separate, for example if you’re sharing childcare costs.
However it’s probably better to close the account and open separate ones to prevent any disagreements about money.
If you think your ex-partner is about to withdraw money from a joint account, you can contact your bank and ask to freeze the account. This stops anyone withdrawing money - including you.
If you’re worried that doing this will upset your ex-partner, you should talk to an adviser at your nearest Citizens Advice first.
Deciding who owns something
There’s no easy way to decide who owns something from a relationship. You’ll need to sit down with your ex-partner and go through things one-by-one.
Try to agree as much as you can. If you have to go to court to decide who gets to keep something, you could easily end up spending more on solicitors’ fees than the item is worth.
It can help to write on your list how much you think each item is worth. That way, if one of you wants to keep a more expensive item, the other person could take a number of smaller items of the same value.
Decisions about furniture and white goods
If you’re trying to put a value on things like furniture or white goods, it’s a good idea to estimate their new value - rather than how much you could sell them for now.
A 10 year old sofa that you shared with your ex-partner might only be worth £100, but the cost of replacing it if you have to move into a new home would be a lot more.
What to do next
If you agree with your ex-partner
You don’t have to write a complicated agreement. If you can agree the main points of your separation, write them down so you can see what you’ve decided.
You don’t have to do anything else, but it’s normally a good idea to take your agreement to a solicitor.
If you’ve already started getting divorced or ending your civil partnership
Ask your solicitor to draft a ‘consent order’. This is a type of contract that can be made legally binding by a judge.
Once the agreement’s legally binding, your arrangements will be final and you’ll be able to take your ex-partner to court if they don’t stick to something you agreed.
If you haven’t started getting divorced or ending your civil partnership
You should still go to a solicitor even if you haven’t started getting divorced or dissolving your civil partnership.
They’ll be able to draft something called a ‘separation agreement’. This isn’t legally binding, but you can normally use it in court as long as your financial circumstances - or your partner’s - haven’t changed.
You can search for a solicitor on the Law Society website.
If you can’t agree with your ex-partner
If you’ve tried mediation and you still can’t agree what happens to your money after you separate, you’ll need to apply to the courts for a financial order. This asks a judge to decide how to divide things up.
You can apply for a financial order at any time after you’ve you’ve filed a petition to end your marriage or civil partnership, but it’s best to do it before you receive your decree absolute or final order. The longer you wait to apply after separating, the less the judge might award you.
You’ll need to show the court that you’ve tried meditation before the court can grant an order.
You can read more about applying for a financial order on GOV.UK.
If you’re worried about legal costs
You might be able to get legal aid to pay for mediation when you separate, but it’s very hard to get it for legal costs - even if you’re on benefits.
You can usually only get legal aid if you or your children have been victims of domestic abuse. Domestic abuse includes controlling behaviour, like stopping you from withdrawing your own money.
Check if you’re eligible for legal aid on GOV.UK.
There might be other ways you can pay less for your legal help. Read about help with legal fees when you separate.